The Outsider

I walked away so...

I had no say...

I can't believe I did that...

she was my daughter

and I had no say

whether she lived or died -

how insane is that? -

it sucks...I was goin' nuts...

a lot of other guys wouldn't 

give a damn but...I did though

I wasn't in a place where I

could do anything about it...

her Mom didn't want me in her life

so I wasn't 'free' to save my baby...

I had no choice...so

I took the 'easy' way out- but

in reality it wasn't that easy...

I wanted to take care of my baby but

I felt like I had to back off....

I loved her Mom- especially after

I knew we were going to
have a baby girl...

it drove me crazy that

I could lose my baby...

I wanted to be a Dad -

I didn’t want anything

to happen to her...

I felt so responsible...

we didn’t expect to get pregnant...

we thought we were being careful

but things happen...

even in the best of circumstances

then when we found out...

everything fell apart

what I thought was a good relationship

turned out to be more one-sided and

finally the truth came out-

she was leaving me and

with her went my daughter...
her Mom was so confused...
depressed...

it was agony watching her

close the door

without even saying goodbye...

phone calls went unanswered

knocks echoed in an empty hallway...

what if she didn’t want my baby girl?  

what if she felt she couldn’t handle it all?

what if she couldn’t bear to
give our baby up for adoption?

my daughter would die and
me with her -

even though everyone says

it’s the mother’s choice 

she was my baby too but

her Mom didn’t care about my feelings...

I felt so powerless 
I tried praying for the first time

in a long time...
I begged the Lord to save her - to
help her Mom to
know I’d be there for her -

if He cared at all for my daughter

He'd save her...

if He was who He said He was 

He wouldn't let her die -

I begged... but...
silence was my answer -

only silence -

nothing more...

then... one day... I got the call...

it was over -

the deed was done -

my baby was gone...

I was numb...

I couldn’t say anything so 

I just hung up...

why Lord?

why did you let this happen?

if you are so Powerful... so Loving...

supposed to be the Lord of all 

why didn't you stop her from
killing our baby?

why didn’t you do anything?

my girl was helpless
just a tiny baby and
you let her be killed...

what is wrong with you?

if only I could have talked with her Mom...

if I could have just showed her

how much I loved them both...

I didn’t understand...   

I was really pissed...

and frustrated...

the why’s and 'if only's' kept intruding but

nothing resolved my questions-

no answers were good enough-

and in the desert

of my loss -

for months to come -

I could only weep and mourn for my baby

as I thought of

what could have been-.

the life we could have had together...

a life I can only dream about

and imagine...but then... sometime...

someway... somehow... I began to
have a faint and desperate hope

that I would someday

be reunited with my little girl...

it would be in heaven -

a redemption of this whole mess -

we would finally be united...

we would recognize each other -

see each other face to face... I 

would look into her Mother's eyes 

and I would hug my little girl...

kiss her...

pick her up and

she would screech in delight at

having her daddy

swing her ‘round and ‘round

toss her up in the air

and catch her

laughing / crying in joy...

knowing we would be together -

forever...

please Lord...
make it happen

someday

somehow
someway    

Reflection/Discussion:
-Describe the father's experience.
-How would you answer his protestations to God?
-How common is it for the father to regret an abortion?Why/not?
-What would happen if more men took responsibility for the pregnancy? 
-Why isn't adoption a more frequent option to abortion?
-Why don't we hear very much about fathers who do?
-How can that change?                                                               

-What is the hope for fathers whose child was aborted?