Lord Jesus.....I can't seem to shake these regrets...
they keep bothering me...I feel so bad about them...
I try not to think about them but they just keep popping
up sometimes out of the blue...I've asked you for
forgiveness but I can't forgive myself? Why am I so
adamant @ beating myself up every time I think them?
what's up with that?
YOU TELL ME...
.
Well,.. I think it's because I did all those things...or in this case, I DIDN'T do what
I SHOULD HAVE done so I SHOULD be the one who pays the price.
and, even though I can think of reasons why I SHOULD forgive myself,
I can't because that'd be like giving myself a pass and minimizing the harm
I did even though I wasn't aware of it at the time...
GOT A LOT OF SHOULDS THERE....BUT I AGREE...
SOMBODY HAS TO PAY...
right....but it's not working...why is that?
YOU TELL ME
this is so frustrating...why don't you just change me and fix it all
so I don't have to deal with this anymore?..
IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY...I DIDN'T
CREATE YOU FOR THINGS TO BE DONE LIKE THAT...I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH
what do you mean?
LOVE DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY OTHERWISE IT'S NOT LOVE..
.
please explain...
I CREATED YOU WITH YOUR OWN "SPACE" IF YOU WILL, AND I
RESPECT THAT...I DONT "INVADE" ANYONE'S SPACE...YOU ARE A FREE PERSON
AND I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU SO I SIMPLY "OFFER"
YOU ALTERNATIVES FOR YOU TO ACCEPT OR NOT..
.
even if what I choose is bad for me?
YES..
.
That doesn't seem fair...
WHATS NOT FAIR ABOUT IT?
well....I might be hurting myself and others...
AND? .
you know....why not just stop me?
I JUST TOLD YOU WHY..
.
but what about all the consequences of my sins?...
and not just for me but for those I sinned against?
I KNOW...BUT THERE'S EVEN MORE TO IT THAN YOU REALIZE..
.
hmmm...you know...something I have to say...you get a lot of blame for
all the bad stuff...I mean sins...that people do...like it's YOUR fault.
because YOU didn't stop them.....
I UNDERSAND...PEOPLE ARE FREE TO THINK WHAT THEY WANT...
so...why don't you just 'set the record straight'?
THEY WOULDN'T ACCEPT IT ANYWAY AND, BESIDES,
LIFE DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY...REMEMBER...YOU'RE FREE...
why are you doing all this...I mean communicating like this...like you're right here????
BECAUSE I AM....I'M ALWAYS "RIGHT HERE" EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE...
THAT'S HOW I CREATED THINGS...AND, BESIDES, THIS IS NOT JUST FOR YOU.
WHO DOESN'T HAVE REGRETS?...THIS IS FOR THEM AS WELL....
so...why me?
WHY NOT YOU?
well....I'm not the "holiest" guy out there.
..
NO...BUT YOU'LL DO JUST FINE...YOU'RE OPEN TO WORKING THROUGH
ALL THIS AND YOU HAVE THE ISSUES I WANT TO ADDRESS SINCE EVERYBODY
HAS THEM.....
you mean "regrets and performance" issues?
YOU GOT IT
that's tiring to even think about especially when I feel like
I don't know how to resolve it all...
I KNOW...
.
it's like it's never ending...like a gerbil wheel...it keeps turning and turning
going nowhere but just creates more and more
frustration / anxiety./ pain.. and never "reaches its goal"
AND WHATS THAT?
hmmm...perfection??
YOU MEAN "YOUR" IDEA OF PERFECTION....
well...what "i" want...
HMMM...SEEMS I'VE HEARD THAT SOMEWHERE BEFORE...
so you mean we're back to the start of this dialogue?
YOU TELL ME...ITS YOUR ISSUE...I'M HERE TO HELP YOU
REACH WHATS BEST FOR YOU AND NOT JUST WHAT YOU WANT....
THOSE AREN'T ALWAYS THE SAME THING..SOMETIMES.WHAT'S BEST
FOR YOU AND THOSE AROUND YOU IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT...
this is kind of frustrating...more circles.....
.
WHY'S THAT?
why don't you just give me what I want?
I AM
not really...
WHY?
because it's not really giving me the results I want.
..
WHAT'S THAT?
ahh...satisfaction...justice...peace...
IT CAN'T..
meaning...?
YOUR OFFENCES...WHETHER THEY'RE COMMISSION / OMISSION
ARE NOT JUST THIS / THAT INSTANCE HERE AND NOW...WITH FINITE EFFECTS...
THEY'RE MORE THAN THAT.
..
what do you mean?
YOU'RE NOT JUST OFFENDING THE ONE IN FRONT OF YOU...
YOU'RE OFFENDING ME AS WELL...
.
how's that?
YOU ARE PART OF MY CREATION...WITH MY ORDER OF REALITY....
I'VE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW IN ORDER
FOR YOU TO FLOURISH IN LOVE...ITS NOT 'YOUR' ORDER THOUGH
THAT IS WHAT YOU'D LIKE IT TO BE...
YOU WANT TO BE IN CHARGE...THAT'S WHAT STARTED ALL
THIS IN THE BEGINNING..
..
you mean Adam and Eve and the Fall?
YES....
that whole pride / rebellion thing?
YOU GOT IT
oh...you mean all this is rooted in my pride?
YOU TELL ME..
It feels like it...
HOW?
well...like I'm the one who says what is and is not...what should be or not...
I'm the one in charge who decides not YOU...who should pay and how...
how to fix things or if it should be fixed at all....it feels like it's almost uncontrollable...
like it has a mind of its own...almost more than I can handle...
ALMOST???
OK....good point...so....now what?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I want this to be done...over...now...
SO...WHY ISNT IT?
because I "can't do it"...it's too much though I keep trying and failing...
you know...Performance...
YOU MEAN THE FINITE TRYING TO FIX THE INFINITE???
yeah...I suppose...
.
LIKE "you're" GOD NOT ME??
I guess..
WELL...THATS IMPOSSIBLE BUT YOU KEEP TRYING...
soo...how does this change?...that is assuming that's what I want
to have happen.....which seems to "go against the grain^
THATS BECAUSE IT DOES...IT'S A BATTLE ALL THE WAY....
WHO'S IN CHARGE?? AND YOU GET WHAT YOU CHOOSE...
IT'S CALLED FREEDOM..
.
I don't like all this...why can't it just be like I want it to be?
YES...I KNOW....BUT YOUR WAY NEVER WORKS WELL...
WAS NEVER MEANT TO...THOUGH YOU...MEANING HUMANITY...
KEEP TRYING...NOW...THERE IS ANOTHER WAY....BUT YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE IT...
what's that?
YOU KNOW..
.
surrender....right??
BUT NOT 'your' WAY OF SURRENDERING
you mean I don't get to determine the whole thing from beginning to end???
I'm joking...but not really.
..
THE WORD ARROGANCE COMES TO MIND
so...pride again...right??
SO...WHATS THE OPPOSITE OF pride?
humility...
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
just. that YOU are the LORD and not me...and sin--my choosing to offend YOU
by choosing to do what I want and not what I know YOU want or not want-
means that because YOU ARE.THE LORD....ETERNAL...INFINITE...PERFECT
and I am not any of that....that therefore the punishment is of the same NATURE
which I can't ever sufficiently accomplish no matter how hard I try...that gerbil wheel thing.
..
SO NOW WHAT?
so...I can't resolve this on my own
NEVER COULD....BUT I HAVE A SOLUTION...
What's that?
HOW ABOUT I PAY THE PRICE??
why would you do that? you didn't do any of the sinning...
YOU TELL ME..
.
Love?...
ITS WHO I AM...I'VE MADE A WAY FOR YOU...
I HAVE ALREADY 'CARRIED YOIUR SORROWS'...
BORE YOUR PAIN...BY MY STRIPES I HAVE
HEALED YOU...
Isaiah 53,,,so how do I go from here - my pride - to there...humility?
from my way to YOUR WAY???
GRACE....JUST ASK...REMEMBER...
FREEDOM...WHEN YOU ASK ACCCORDING TO MY WILL...YOU RECEIVE....
how do I know what's according to YOUR WILL???
MY WORD AND MY SPIRIT SHOW YOU...SOMETIMES IT
TAKES A WHILE BECAUSE I HAVE MORE IN MIND FOR YOU
THAN JUST ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS BUT ITS A PROCESS...
YOU'RE ON A JOURNEY....YOU MADE A DECISION TO FOLLOW ME AND
YOU AND I ARE ON THAT JOURNEY TOGETHER...TO BECOME ONE..
ETERNALLY...INFINITELY...PERFECTLY...HOLY AS I AM HOLY...
ONE STEP AT A TIME...BY GRACE .- NOT BY STRIVING ON YOUR OWN...
TO METE OUT YOUR PUNISHMENT YOUR OWN WAY.WHICH
ONLY ADDS TO YOUR BURDEN....
so...now what?
HOW ABOUT I MAKE IT SIMPLE FOR YOU?
that sounds really good...I like it...
YOU GIVE ME THE REGRETS...ALL THE EMONTIONS / PAIN / SORROW
CONNECTED WITH THEM...ALL THE SELF-INFLICTED
PUNISHMENT...BEATING YOURSELF UP. / SELF-
CONDEMNATION / HATRED / SHAME...AND ASK ME FOR THE
GRACE YOU NEED TO DO THAT...
it's all GRACE isn't it?
YOU GOT IT...TO HAVE MERCY ON YOURSELF...
forgiving myself in your Name...
AND BY GRACE TO LET GO OF YOUR CONTROL...ANGER...
ACCEPTING YOUR WEAKNESSES / ASKING ME TO
CHANGE / HEAL YOU...
and of course THANKING YOU..
YOU WILL STILL REMEMBER THE REGRETS BUT
THE PAIN WILL BE GONE...
Thank you again for this talk...you knew I needed it...
You always know and You're always ready and
willing to give me the Grace...Thank You again...
BE AT PEACE...I AM ALWAYS WITH YOU...
Reflection / Discussion:
-How would you summarize how to handle regrets?
-Why is it so hard to forgive yourself?
-What regrets do you have?
-Make a list...topic by topic.
-Ask for the Grace to face and surrender all of it to the Lord
-One by one, In Jesus' Name...Repent / Forgive yourself...Give it all to Jesus...
-Ask for His Healing / Peace...Thanking Him for His Mercy...
