The Thorn

 

Abba...I'm so frustrated.. angry.. feeling rebellious...why are You allowing this 'Thorn' to constantly go on? 

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS TALK...IT'S TAKEN A WHILE FOR YOU TO BE HONEST WITH ME AND YOURSELF TO 'GET INTO IT'...I KNOW IT'S DIFFICULT FOR YOU SO I'M HAPPY FOR YOU THAT 

YOU'VE ACCEPTED MY GRACE TO TALK LIKE THIS...

I didn't realize this was a Grace...

MANY TIMES YOU DON'T..BUT NOT JUST YOU...MY GRACES ARE MANY TIMES SIMPLY IGNORED OR UNRECOGNIZED AND AT OTHER TIMES REJECTED BECAUSE OF SINFUL CHOICES....BUT HERE YOU'VE 

BEEN WRESTLING WITH YOUR THORN  FOR A WHILE AND ARE FRUSTRATED ENOUGH TO FINALLY TALK ABOUT IT IN DEPTH....TELL ME ABOUT IT...

I think it just hit me more last night at my Encounter Ministries class when they talked again about being courageous to work through conflicts and I knew I didn't like doing that...and then I looked at the homework from Q7 Power Evangelism and it talked about RISK...which You know we've talked about before and I am adverse to 'taking risks'..so anyway I'm just frustrated with it all..

PRAYER FOR HEALING AND NOTHING  HAPPENS.. PROPHECY / WORDS OF KNOWLEDGE / SECRETS OF THE HEART AND GET IT WRONG... EVANGELISM  AND REJECTION... CONFLICTS GOING SOUTH...BUT REMEMBER... YOU'RE STILL LOVING THE OTHER...I'VE GIVEN YOU A HEART TO LOVE OTHERS AND  SERVE THEM...AND REMEMBER... IT'S NOT ABOUT  YOU...IT ABOUT MY LOVE FOR THEM...MY DESIRE TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM...I GAVE OVER MY BELOVED SON TO SUFFER AND DIE FOR THEIR SAKE AND GAIN VICTORY OVER SIN AND DEATH  SO THEY CAN LIVE FOREVER IN MY LOVE AND GLORY ...SO AGAIN....IT'S ALL GRACE...SO... ASK..SEEK...KNOCK...YOU WRESSLE WITH YOUR FEELINGS...AND YOUR DREADS AND  FEARS... ANXIOUS IMAGINATIONS...WHAT 'MIGHT' HAPPEN....AND FORGET TO ASK  FOR GRACE TO LOVE... LET GO OF YOUR CHAIN TO THE 'GERBIL WHEEL' OF JUST 'TRYING HARDER'...IT'S  NOT GETTING YOU ANYWHERE EXCEPT TO FRUSTRATION-LAND....I AM TEACHING  YOU MANY THINGS THROUGH THIS THORN... BUT IT ALL COMES DOWN TO GRACE.. 

BOTH FOR YOU AND THE OTHER...ALL  IS LOVE..

so.. what else are You teaching me?...

THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO PERFORM FOR ME TO LOVE YOU...OR TO BE LOVED AT ALL...THAT YOU CAN TRUST ME..RELY ON ME..THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT YOURSELF AND

CAN.LIVE IN PEACE AND SECURITY....KNOW THE JOY OF LOVING OTHERS IN MY POWER... OF COOPERATING WITH MY SPIRIT..KNOW THE FREEDOM FROM FEAR OF MAN  BY THE AWE OF THE LORD...AND COMING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO ME DAY BY DAY...AND THERE IS NOTHING BETTER... NOW AND FOREVER....

Abba...Poppa...let it happen...let Your Spirit form me into Your Image...the Image of Jesus...help me cooperate with Your Grace....and even though this is hard...I Thank You for my Thorn for Your Power is made perfect in my weakness...and by the Grace of humility to bear witness to the Truth