Control vs Surrender

 Jesus...just listened to a podcast about Control vs Surrender and I'm realizing that when I Control eg. by NOT asking what You want to say / do out of fear of failing...looking foolish...I lose...I don't gain anything except more fear...more of a bad habit...the other is not Graced...Loved...I am not Blessed...Graced...when I gain Control I lose Surrender...I lose coming closer to You...and for What?

the perhaps bad opinion of a stranger that I'll probably never see again...or maybe disappointment of You not healing someone I pray for?...BUT what if You DID heal them?...Speak a Word that shows them that You ARE Real...Know them...Love them...they feel Loved...encouraged?...by my Control and lack of Surrender all that is lost...nothing is gained...and...for what?...my protection from 'vain dreads /

anxious imaginations...useless thoughts'...I don't Surrender because I don't Trust You...I keep control because I don't Trust You...What do You think about all that? 

ALL TRUE...

Then why don't You change me?

BECAUSE I HAVE CREATED YOU WITH A FREE WILL...I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO REMOVE MY GREATEST GIFT TO YOU...TO LOVE AND RECEIVE LOVE...FOR LOVE TO BE TRULY LOVE IT MUST BE FREE...IT CANNOT BE COURSED...I KNOW YOUR FALLEN CONDITION...YOUR TENDENCIES TO EVIL...THAT IS WHY I BECAME MAN AND BORE YOUR SIN...DIED AND THEN ROSE TO GIVE YOU NEW LIFE...THAT IS YOUR CHOICE TO RECEIVE OR REJECT...AND EVEN WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT MY OFFFER OF NEW LIFE...YOU ARE STILL FREE TO OBEY ME OR NOT...AND EVEN AFTER YOU ASK FOR GRACE AND I GIVE / OFFER IT TO YOU...YOU ARE STILL FREE TO ACCEPT IT OR NOT...

THIS IS THE MYSTERY OF SUFFERING...WHY SO MANY DON'T BELIEVE...AND IT IS GOOD THAT YOU FACE YOUR WEAKNESSES...KNOW YOUR POWERLESSNESS...FOR YOU CANNOT OVERCOME THEM BY YOURSELF...LOVE BY YOURSELF...OVERCOME CONTROL BY SURRENDER BY YOUR FALLEN NATURE'S POWER...BECAUSE ALL IS GRACE...MY SPIRIT IS UPON YOU...SO...ASK...SEEK...KNOCK...

Jesus...I pray for the Grace to Trust You...for Humility to not care what others think of me...for Love to cast out fear...Grace to Surrender Control in order to Love the other...to Love You First and Foremost...Freely...

START SMALL...ONE DAY AT A TIME...GIVE THE BURDEN OVER TO ME...REMEMBERING THAT MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU AND MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN YOUR WEAKNESS

Thank You Jesus...I Love you and depend on You...Keep me close to You and have Mercy on me...a sinner...