Abba...I feel like there has been a void when I think of You - just like with Dad - and also what comes to mind is the whole 'performance' thing - like I have to perform in order to be loved and that I'm never going to get there because it never happened with Dad...
AND YOU'RE ASSUMING IT'LL BE THE SAME WITH YOU AND ME...YOU BELIEVE THAT?
Logically...no. but that's the way I feel...
WELL FEELINGS HAVE A WAY OF CROWDING OUT LOGIC AND TAKING OVER LOGIC...YOU'RE BELIEVING SOME LIES THERE THAT YOU USED IN BUILDING THAT WALLL THAT YOU AND JIM TALKED ABOUT...YOU'RE AFRAID OF ME JUST LIKE YOUR
DAD SO WE NEED TO EXPOSE THEM AND THEN DECLARE THE TRUTH...
You mean about You and Dad?...
BOTH...BECAUSE ONE AFFECTS THE OTHER...
Abba...show me the lies...
THAT YOUR DAD DIDN'T LOVE YOU...THAT YOU HAD TO PERFORM TO BE LOVED BUT YOU NEVER COULD PERFORM WELL ENOUGH TO BE LOVED...YOU WERE AFRAID OF WHAT HE MIGHT DO TO YOU BECAUSE OF HIS ANGER ISSUES EVEN THOUGH HE NEVER HURT YOU PHYSICALLY...THAT HE WASN'T INTERESTED IN YOU BECAUSE HE NEVER ASKED NOR EVER CAME TO ANY EVENTS THOUGH THAT WAS BECAUSE OF HIS WORK SCHEDULE ..WORKING THE LATE SHIFT...HE DIDN'T TALK TO YOU ABOUT HIS DOUBTS ABOUT THE SEMINARY BUT ASKED YOUR MOM TO DO IT...ALTHOUGH HE DID OFFER TO HELP YOU STUDY FOR THE ALGEBRA EXAM...BUT ALL OF THOSE NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES ARE BASED ON LIES WHEN IN REALITY THE TRUTH IS HE WAS VERY
WOUNDED AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE VERY WELL...HE DID HAVE ANGER ISSUES BUT DIDN'T HURT YOU PHYSICALLY...THOUGH HE DID THREATEN YOU AND YOUR BROTHER WITH THE BELT THAT ONE TIME....HE DID LOVE YOU BUT WASN'T VERY GOOD AT SHOWING YOU THAT OR TELLING YOU...REMEMBER HE NEVER DID TELL YOUR MOM ABOUT WHY HE NEVER WENT TO COMMUNION...SO RENOUNCE THOSE LIES AND RENOUNCE APPLYING THEM TO ME...
In the Name of Jesus...I Renounce the lie that Dad didn't love me...that I had to perform to be loved...that it was my fault he didn't love me...that I had to make myself lovable by performance but I never could...that he could very well hurt me so I had to be wary of him and so I couldn't really trust
him not to...and therefore I had to be afraid of him...I could never please him enough to get him to love me...and I Declare the Truth that Dad DID love me but wasn't adept at showing / telling me that so I also forgive you Dad for all those things and Abba I ask you to fill-in that void from Dad and seal the truths that you showed me...and I also Renounce the lie that You are just like Dad...that I also have to perform for You to love me...but I'll never be able to because You're Perfect...that You have anger issues... and I have to be wary of You as well and so I also have to be afraid of You...what You'll ask of me...say to me...and I Declare the Truth that You ARE LOVE...that You Created my out of Love and for Love...that You sent Jesus who Loved me and gave Himself up for me...and sent the Holy Spirit of Love into my heart...that He desires to speak Your Word to me...to bring Your Love to me...
and instill the Truth in me that You are not like Dad...that You are WITH me now and want me to KNOW Your Love...Be Close / Intimate with me...That I DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF YOU...
Fill my void Abba...Thank You for Your Word and Your Love...Heal me...Free me...Draw me to You...
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