The Focus

Father...Just prayed the 'Complete Trust in God' prayer and realized...again...I

have a great deficiency of Trust...and most of the time struggle with 'useless

thoughts...vain dreads and anxious imaginations'...and am NOT at Peace...

I try but to no avail...what's going on?...

WHERE ARE YOUR EYES FOCUSED?...

on the circumstances...

NOT ON ME RIGHT?...

right...

ARE THEY YOUR SOURCE OF PEACE? 

of course not...You are...

WHEN JESUS ENDURED HIS PASSION...WHERE

WERE HIS EYES FOCUSED? 

on You...

DID THAT MEAN HIS SUFFERING CEASED?...

.no...

HE PRAYED ..;. OFFERED UP HIS SUFFERING... PRAYED PSALM 22...HE ENDURED THE PAINFUL 

TORTURE ..HE ACCEPTED IT BY THE STRENGTH  I GAVE HIM...IT WAS ALL REDEMPTIVE SUFFERING...

ALL FOR YOU... IF IT IS EASIER TO FOCUS ON JESUS..BY ALL MEANS DO SO...WE ARE ONE ...TO FOCUS ON HIM IS TO FOCUS ON ME BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT...KNOW THIS...BECAUSE THE TRIAL / CROSS DOES NOT GO AWAY IMMEDIATELY..OR AS FAST AS YOU WANT IT TO...DOESN'T MEAN 

YOU HAVE BEEN ABANDONED...OR YOU CAN'T TRUST ME...OR YOU ARE BEING PUNISHED..

.so...what. does it mean?...

IT IS FOR MY HIGHER PURPOSES....

and what are they?...

SO... YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE IN CONTROL 

THEN...YES?...

I see what You're saying..

SO ITS A YES THEN?...

yes....

YOU WANT IT YOUR WAY?..

ah... yes...ok You got me....but doesn't everyone?..

NOW YOU SEE THE PROBLEM...ORIGINAL SIN...FALLEN HUMANITY...SELF-WILL...ALL ARE BROKEN..

SOME HAVE ACCEPTED MY OFFER OF REDEMPTION....OTHERS HAVE NOT...EACH ARE ON A JOURNEY..

MANY DECIDE TO CHOOSE AGAINST MY LOVE ..OTHERS LIKE YOURSELF HAVE CHOSEN THE 

NARROW ROAD...IT IS THE WAY OF THE CROSS THAT LEADS TO HOLINESS AND TRUE HAPPINESS...

IT IS THE WAY OF GRACE... BUT YOUR FLESH DOES NOT DISAPPEAR ..NEITHER ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES

MIRACULOUSLY HEALED...AND SUFFERING - ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU TAKE UP YOUR CROSS AND FOLLOW MY SON TO BRING HIS LOVE AND WORD TO THE LOST...TO WITNESS TO THE TRUTH OF MY WORD AND THE 

NARROW WAY... RESISTANCE...ANGER...AND THE WORLD'S VALUES AND WAYS WILL FIGHT BACK 

SINCE THEY ARE IN THE CAMP OF THE ENEMY...SO THERE IS A BIGGER PICTURE THAN SIMPLY YOUR 

DAILY STRUGGLES IN THIS OR THAT TRIAL... THERE IS GRACE TO TRUST ME...REJOICE EVEN IN THE MIIDST 

OF TEMPTATION OR THE FIRE OF PURIFICATION...ASK..SEEK... KNOCK...THERE IS MORE...OFFER ALL IN TRUST AND LOVE ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR VISION IS LIMITED AND YOU CANNOT SEE THE END OF YOUR TRIAL AND YOU CAN ONLY TRUST ME AND OFFER IT UP FOR THE SAKE OF THOSE YOU LOVE... FOR REVIVAL WHICH I KNOW IS CLOSE TO YOUR HEART ..LOOK TO JESUS UPON HIS CROSS. ..SEE AND KNOW HIS ENDURING LOVE FOR YOU AND DECIDE AGAIN TO TAKE UP YOUR CROSS AND FOLLOW...ALL IS GRACE...TRUST IN OUR LOVE ..AND KNOW THAT THIS TOO SHALL PASS...

The Trust Issue

Father...I can't believe what I just realized...as You know, I was at Mass today and...I think it was during the homily that I suddenly realized that I didn't Trust You...and not only You but Jesus and the Holy

Spirit as well...

GO ON...

Well...You know my whole story so I'm not telling you anything new, but I want others to know my story so they can be aware of the enemy's tactics as well as deal with their own wounds from 

childhood and teen years which many are not aware of or don't know how to deal with them...So, I have a question that came up almost immediately after I realized this...why has it taken so long to become aware this? After all, I've been on the Inner Healing Journey for about 10 years now...

GOOD QUESTION...IT SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME BUT REMEMBER, YOUWERE ONLY PRAYED WITH A FEW MONTHS AGO AND OUR RELATIONSHIP ONLY BECAME MUCH CLOSER SINCE THEN AS WE'VE BEEN HAVING THESE CONVERSATIONS TOGETHER...

I understand what You're saying but  still, why didn't this come up during those prayer sessions?

IT WASN'T THE RIGHT TIME FOR YOU...YOU WERE TAKING BABY STEPS INTO A NEW REALITY  AND THERE WAS A LOT TO DEAL WITH AND IT WAS ONLY THEN THAT WE BEGAN TO HAVE THESE INTIMATE TALKS...

I know You're right, I guess it was just so surprising that even after having these talks for these last few months that Trust was still an issue...

SOMETIMES IT TAKES A WHILE...LOOK  HOW LONG IT WAS BEFORE YOU REALLY

BEGAN TO DEAL WITH YOUR PAST WOUNDS...AROUND 70 YEARS...RIGHT?

Yes Father...right...I knew my family wasn't perfect and nothing abusive took place. I loved Mom and Dad but there were some things missing which I only began seriously looking at these last few years and have come to realize that I came out of my family with some wounds, and the lies from the enemy about them and myself as well as the 'vows' that followed from those lies about how I was going to live my life.

AND ALL THAT BACK THEN WAS MORE SUBCONSCIOUS AS WELL AS NOT BEING 

AWARE, OF COURSE, THAT YOU EVEN HAD AN ENEMY OR WHAT A VOW WAS...RIGHT?

Yes...that's right. Over these last number of years I became aware and how to deal with what I have 

called the 'narrative' of who I am and how I had to live my life. 

WHY DON'T YOU TELL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE READING THIS, WHAT THAT 'NARRATIVE'

WAS AND HOW IT AFFECTED YOU ALL THESE YEARS...

And still does...but I'm hoping today's 'discovery' will usher in a change on how I deal with the 

whole thing...at least our Relationship...and, of course Jesus and the Holy Spirit. 

IT WILL...SO WHY DON'T YOU GIVE A SHORT EXPLANATION OF YOUR HISTORY AND HOW IT AFFECTED YOU?..IT'LL BE REALLY HELPFUL...

Ok...The way I describe my "narrative" is that I was abandoned / rejected because I was "unlovable" and so I had to "make myself lovable" by my "performance" in life and, because I was "on my own", I had to figure things out myself because I couldn't trust anyone to help me but all this left me feeling "insecure' and therefore anxious,,,.so a lot of "self-reliance" going on. 

THAT'S A LOT TO UNPACK BUT ESSENTIALLY YOU HAVE COME TO REALIZE THAT THIS 

"NARRATIVE" AS YOU CALL IT WAS MOSTLY UNCONSCIOUS AND FULL OF LIES FROM THE EVIL ONE AS WELL AS "VOWS" IE. RESOLUTIONS AS TO HOW YOU WERE TO ACT IN YOUR LIFE AS A RESULT OF THIS NARRATIVE...ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO ADD?

Well, just that I actually did live out my life mostly relying on myself and not looking for a lot of 

input from others- which was a big mistake on my part. I've come to see the lies / vows and renounce / 

reject them as well as see the real truths of my life But, today added something more to my story and 

that was I included You into my narrative in that I concluded that I couldn't Trust You or rely upon You

as well because, I think, I assumed You should have stopped / fixed all that was happening, but You didn't so, why should I Trust You? I also simply "transferred" my attitude towards my Dad to You...without ever consciously doing so. I just made that conclusion. 

AND SO, WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER ABOUT  WHY THAT WAS ALL FALSE?

Well, I realized that You have given us freedom to choose how we think and live our lives but You 

also offer us Grace to live out our lives according to Your Word but we need to Ask for and Accept that

Grace. 

ANYTHING ELSE?

Yes, the Truth that underlies all of reality is that, in response to humanity's rejecting You and Your way of life, You gave us ALL you had by giving us Jesus, Your Only Begotten Son, to take our sins upon Himself and be brutally tortured and executed as our Just Punishment then conquered sin and death by His Resurrection and then gave us HIs Holy Spirit to live out this new life which He offers us. And, we're STILL free to accept or reject His Offer.

NOW, WHAT ABOUT TRUSTING / RELYING ON ME...JESUS...HOLY SPIRIT?

Father, I'm so sorry for all that. I didn't realize that I was not doing that. I repent for that and reject that lie and give it to You to heal me. I pray for the Grace to Trust You and Rely on You for ALL I need...and Jesus and the Holy Spirit as well.  Help me day by day, one moment at a time, to Grow in that Trust and Reliance upon You. The Truth is I am NOT ALONE...You are always with me and You will NEVER LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME.  I Trust You and Rely on You. Thank you for Your Love and Mercy for me. 

IT'S TRUE...I LOVE YOU AND WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU...RECEIVE MY GRACE AND RECEIVE MY LOVE...IT IS ALL YOURS...

 

Abiding

 

.Jesus...Your Presence at our worship this morning's men's group was powerful...palpable...

and as I turn to you now in prayer and Scripture reading...it is just so again...I want it to always be this way...would You please do that for me? I love being with You...and I also love not focusing on myself which, as You know, is too much of a problem for me...the 'thorn' and all that...I so much more enjoy Being / Abiding in Your Presence...ALL the time if I could...I desire that Grace...Abiding in the Fear of the Lord...

I DESIRE TO BE WITH YOU AS WELL...I AM ALWAYS WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU TURN YOUR ATTENTION ELSWHERE...THERE IS GRACE TO ABIDE IN ME...KEEP ASKING FOR IT...SEEKING ME FIRST AND FOREMOST...MY SPIRIT IS UPON YOU TO DRAW YOU TO MYSELF UNTIL THE DAY WE SEE EACH OTHER FACE TO FACE...I LONG FOR THAT AS WELL AS YOU...UNTILL THEN...KEEP TURNING TO ME DURING THE DAY AND AT NIGHT WHEN YOU AWAKEN...ASK AND YOUR SHALL RECEIVE...SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND...KNOCK AND IT SHALL BE OPENED FOR YOU...BUT ALSO DO NOT SEEK ME FOR THE FEELINGS YOU RECEIVE FROM MY LOVING PRESENCE FOR THAT ONLY TURNS YOU BACK ONTO YOURSELF...RATHER, KEEP FOCUSING ON ME...LOVING ME...REVERING ME...WORSHIPPING ME FOR I AM THE WAY...TRUTH AND THE LIFE...KEEP THANKING ME FOR THIS GRACE...FOCUS ON MY LOVE AND LOVING ME IN RETURN...IT IS I WHO BRINGS YOU TO THE FATHER...ABIDING...THAT IS THE GRACE TO SEEK...

Yes Lord...and that IS the Grace I desire...May it be so...Come Holy Spirit

Transformation Progress

Abba...It seems like You are beginning to Renew my mind...Transform me...

HOW'S THAT?

I'm starting to finally 'see' that Love is the Answer...

REALLY?

You're making me laugh now...You have been saying this for a while...in different ways but 

essentially the same thing...trying to help me 'get it'...that it's NOT about proving myself...making

myself 'loveable'...having others affirm me...using this or that spiritual gift...Rather...it's about 

Loving the other with Your Love...depending on Your Holy Spirit Who IS Love to mold me 

in Your Love...to Love as Jesus Loved...to See Him in the other...it's NOT about 'getting it right'

ALL TRUE...IT IS ALL GRACE...WALK IN THE GRACE OF MY SPIRIT...IT IS GOOD THAT YOU SEE AND KNOW YOUR WEAKNESS FOR THEN YOU ALSO KNOW THAT YOUR STRENGTH IS IN ME...LOVE IS THE ANSWER TO YOUR WEAKNESS...IT IS THE REASON FOR YOUR EXISTENCE...YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE...THE GOAL OF YOUR TRANSFORMATION...REJOICE IN MY LOVE AND GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO ME BY

MY HOLY SPIRIT...JESUS IS YOUR MODEL...THE ONE TO EMULATE... TO LOVE AS HE LOVED...SEEK TO LET HIM LIVE AND LOVE THROUGH YOU...SIMPLICITY IN ACTION...

Thank You Abba for Your Renewing my mind...Please keep it up to Totally Transform me...I desperately need Your Grace...I depend on Your Spirit to overcome my weakness...keep my eyes

on You...Jesus...Come Holy Spirit...Come

.

The Dad Issue

Abba...I feel like there has been a void when I think of You - just like with Dad - and also what comes to mind is the whole 'performance' thing - like I have to perform in order to be loved and that I'm never going to get there because it never happened with Dad...

AND YOU'RE ASSUMING IT'LL BE THE SAME WITH YOU AND ME...YOU BELIEVE THAT?

Logically...no. but that's the way I feel...

WELL FEELINGS HAVE A WAY OF CROWDING OUT LOGIC AND TAKING OVER LOGIC...YOU'RE BELIEVING SOME LIES THERE THAT YOU USED IN BUILDING THAT WALLL THAT YOU AND JIM TALKED ABOUT...YOU'RE AFRAID OF ME JUST LIKE YOUR

DAD SO WE NEED TO EXPOSE THEM AND THEN DECLARE THE TRUTH...

You mean about You and Dad?...

BOTH...BECAUSE ONE AFFECTS THE OTHER...

Abba...show me the lies...

THAT YOUR DAD DIDN'T LOVE YOU...THAT YOU HAD TO PERFORM TO BE LOVED BUT YOU NEVER COULD PERFORM WELL ENOUGH TO BE LOVED...YOU WERE AFRAID OF WHAT HE MIGHT DO TO YOU BECAUSE OF HIS ANGER ISSUES EVEN THOUGH HE NEVER HURT YOU PHYSICALLY...THAT HE WASN'T INTERESTED IN YOU BECAUSE HE NEVER ASKED NOR EVER CAME TO ANY EVENTS THOUGH THAT WAS BECAUSE OF HIS WORK SCHEDULE ..WORKING THE LATE SHIFT...HE DIDN'T TALK TO YOU ABOUT HIS DOUBTS ABOUT THE SEMINARY BUT ASKED YOUR MOM TO DO IT...ALTHOUGH HE DID OFFER TO HELP YOU STUDY FOR THE ALGEBRA EXAM...BUT ALL OF THOSE NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES ARE BASED ON LIES WHEN IN REALITY THE TRUTH IS HE WAS VERY 

WOUNDED AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE VERY WELL...HE DID HAVE ANGER ISSUES BUT DIDN'T HURT YOU PHYSICALLY...THOUGH HE DID THREATEN YOU AND YOUR BROTHER WITH THE BELT THAT ONE TIME....HE DID LOVE YOU BUT WASN'T VERY GOOD AT SHOWING YOU THAT OR TELLING YOU...REMEMBER HE NEVER DID TELL YOUR MOM ABOUT WHY HE NEVER WENT TO COMMUNION...SO RENOUNCE THOSE LIES AND RENOUNCE APPLYING THEM TO ME...

In the Name of Jesus...I Renounce the lie that Dad didn't love me...that I had to perform to be loved...that it was my fault he didn't love me...that I had to make myself lovable by performance but I never could...that he could very well hurt me so I had to be wary of him and so I couldn't really trust

him not to...and therefore I had to be afraid of him...I could never please him enough to get him to love me...and I Declare the Truth that Dad DID love me but wasn't adept at showing / telling me that so I also forgive you Dad for all those things and Abba I ask you to fill-in that void from Dad and seal the truths that you showed me...and I also Renounce the lie that You are just like Dad...that I also have to perform for You to love me...but I'll never be able to because You're Perfect...that You have anger issues... and I have to be wary of You as well and so I also have to be afraid of You...what You'll ask of me...say to me...and I Declare the Truth that You ARE LOVE...that You Created my out of Love and for Love...that You sent Jesus who Loved me and gave Himself up for me...and sent the Holy Spirit of Love into my heart...that He desires to speak Your Word to me...to bring Your Love to me...

and instill the Truth in me that You are not like Dad...that You are WITH me now and want me to KNOW Your Love...Be Close / Intimate with me...That I DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF YOU...

Fill my void Abba...Thank You for Your Word and Your Love...Heal me...Free me...Draw me to You...

..

.

Control vs Surrender

 Jesus...just listened to a podcast about Control vs Surrender and I'm realizing that when I Control eg. by NOT asking what You want to say / do out of fear of failing...looking foolish...I lose...I don't gain anything except more fear...more of a bad habit...the other is not Graced...Loved...I am not Blessed...Graced...when I gain Control I lose Surrender...I lose coming closer to You...and for What?

the perhaps bad opinion of a stranger that I'll probably never see again...or maybe disappointment of You not healing someone I pray for?...BUT what if You DID heal them?...Speak a Word that shows them that You ARE Real...Know them...Love them...they feel Loved...encouraged?...by my Control and lack of Surrender all that is lost...nothing is gained...and...for what?...my protection from 'vain dreads /

anxious imaginations...useless thoughts'...I don't Surrender because I don't Trust You...I keep control because I don't Trust You...What do You think about all that? 

ALL TRUE...

Then why don't You change me?

BECAUSE I HAVE CREATED YOU WITH A FREE WILL...I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO REMOVE MY GREATEST GIFT TO YOU...TO LOVE AND RECEIVE LOVE...FOR LOVE TO BE TRULY LOVE IT MUST BE FREE...IT CANNOT BE COURSED...I KNOW YOUR FALLEN CONDITION...YOUR TENDENCIES TO EVIL...THAT IS WHY I BECAME MAN AND BORE YOUR SIN...DIED AND THEN ROSE TO GIVE YOU NEW LIFE...THAT IS YOUR CHOICE TO RECEIVE OR REJECT...AND EVEN WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT MY OFFFER OF NEW LIFE...YOU ARE STILL FREE TO OBEY ME OR NOT...AND EVEN AFTER YOU ASK FOR GRACE AND I GIVE / OFFER IT TO YOU...YOU ARE STILL FREE TO ACCEPT IT OR NOT...

THIS IS THE MYSTERY OF SUFFERING...WHY SO MANY DON'T BELIEVE...AND IT IS GOOD THAT YOU FACE YOUR WEAKNESSES...KNOW YOUR POWERLESSNESS...FOR YOU CANNOT OVERCOME THEM BY YOURSELF...LOVE BY YOURSELF...OVERCOME CONTROL BY SURRENDER BY YOUR FALLEN NATURE'S POWER...BECAUSE ALL IS GRACE...MY SPIRIT IS UPON YOU...SO...ASK...SEEK...KNOCK...

Jesus...I pray for the Grace to Trust You...for Humility to not care what others think of me...for Love to cast out fear...Grace to Surrender Control in order to Love the other...to Love You First and Foremost...Freely...

START SMALL...ONE DAY AT A TIME...GIVE THE BURDEN OVER TO ME...REMEMBERING THAT MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU AND MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN YOUR WEAKNESS

Thank You Jesus...I Love you and depend on You...Keep me close to You and have Mercy on me...a sinner...

The Mistrust Lie

Abba...The lie / accusation that "You can't be trusted because You let Jesus be Crucified / Suffer as 

He did but if You really loved Him You wouldn't have let that happen and therefore since You willed that to happen to your Only-Begotten Son then I don't have a chance so...I can't trust You...I have to be wary of you...suspicious of Your motives"...I remember I brought that up to a priest a few years ago and he simply said that was a lie and not to believe it...but I feel like that lie is still hanging on to me and it 

influences my 'vain dreads and anxious imaginations'...insecurities...cautions not to 'take risks' for You...what do You think about all that? I don't want to mistrust You...be cautious towards You...be 

dreading what might come next from You letting suffering happen to me...Help me to see the Truth so I

can combat the lies and fears...the temptations to mistrust You...

THESE COME FROM THE ROOTS OF YOUR WOUND NARRATIVE...YOUR FEARS SURROUNDING YOUR DAD AND THE INSECURITIES DERIVING FROM THAT WOUND...

I KNOW YOU REALIZE IT IS THE ENEMY WHO MAKES THESE ACCUSATIONS FOR HE KNOWS YOUR WOUNDS AND FEARS BECAUSE HE IS SO INVOLVED IN ALL THE TERRORS IN EACH OF MY CHILDREN'S LIVES...SUFFERING...PAIN AND DEATH CAME FROM THE FALL AS YOU KNOW...THEY WERE NEVER MY INTENTION FOR MY BELOVED CHILDREN...THEY ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF SIN THAT CAME FROM THE EVIL ONE'S HATRED OF ME AND ALL MY BELOVEDS...

JUST THINK FOR A MOMENT...HOW LOVING WOULD IT HAVE BEEN TO LEAVE ALL MY BELOVEDS TO SUFFER...DIE...AND BURN FOREVER IN THE FIRES OF HELL WITHOUT TRYING TO SAVE THEM?...WHAT KIND OF A FATHER WOULD DO THAT?...I CREATED MY CHILDREN WITH  FREE WILL BECAUSE LOVE IS NOT LOVE UNLESS IT IS FREELY GIVEN AND RECEIVED...I OFFER GRACE TO ALL TO CHOOSE TO RETURN MY LOVE BUT MANY SPURN MY OFFER...MY LOVE...JESUS...MY ONLY-BEGOTTEN SON FREELY ACCEPTED MY SELF-SACRIFICING WILL TO SAVE MY OTHER CHILDREN AND SO HE FREELY BORE THEIR JUST PUNISHMENT AND CONQUERED ALL EVIL BY HIS LOVING SURRENDER TO MY WILL TO SAVE....HE RECEIVED  MY STRENGTH TO LOVE AND THAT ISWHAT I OFFER TO ALL MY CHILDREN AS THEY FOLLOW JESUS BACK TO MY SIDE FOR ALL ETERNITY...

CREATION IS IN PERPETUAL WARFARE SINCE THE ENEMY SEEKS TO DESTROY AND PLUNDER OUT OF PURE HATRED AND PRIDE...AND IN THE END SHALL LOSE FOREVER

BUT SADLY HE WILL TAKE MANY WITH HIM BECAUSE...AGAIN...EACH IS FREE TO 

CHOOSE...LIFE OR DEATH...LIGHT OR DARKNESS...SO...FOR YOU...DO NOT FEAR TO TRUST ME...ALL THE SUFFERING I ALLOW IS FOR YOUR GOOD EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY NOT SEE IT MAYBE UNTILL WE ARE TOGETHER FOREVER...I AM WITH YOU...MY STRENGTH IS YOURS...MY SPIRIT ENABLES YOU TO BEAR AND CONQUER ALL SUFFERING...AND KNOW IT IS FOR THE KINGDOM...YOUR GOOD AND HOLINESS...MY GLORY WHICH I SHARE WITH YOU...SO...TRUST IN MY LOVE FOR YOU FOR ALL THINGS WORK FOR GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE ME...

Thank you Abba...Jesus...for Your freely Loving and Saving me...all your Children...help me to 

Trust...Surrender...Love You and serve Your Kingdom...freely and with all my heart...

The Perfect Love

Abba...Poppa...how can I stop the fear of failing?

WHY DO YOU FEAR?

Because I'll look ridiculous and won't be loved. I know this is my 'Thorn'...a lie from my childhood...about Dad...I know it in my head but still I'm afraid...it is my 'vain dread and anxious imagination'...the whole 'performance' thing...

WHAT I WAS SHOWING YOU TODAY WHEN I LED YOU TO PRAY WITH JACOB WAS THAT LOVE IS THE ANSWER...THE ENEMY KNOWS YOUR WOUND BECAUSE HE PUT IT THERE...'PERFORMANCE TO BE LOVED'...'ON YOUR OWN' / ALONE / CAN'T DEPEND ON ANYONE BUT YOURSELF...YOU KNOW THE TRUTH THOUGH...YOU KNOW THESE ARE 

LIES...BUT I AM TEACHING YOU TO DEPEND ON ME...ON MY LOVE FOR YOU AND THE OTHER...WHEN YOU PRAY FOR HEALING / A WORD...IT IS OUT OF LOVE FOR THE OTHER TO SHOW MY LOVE...IT IS NOT YOU WHO HEALS BUT MY LOVE FOR THEM...THE POWER OF MY SPIRIT WHO IS LOVE...IT IS FOR YOU TO DEPEND ON THAT LOVE...ASKING MY SPIRIT TO SHOW MY LOVE BY HEALING...TO COMMUNICATE THAT LOVE TO THEIR HEART...IT IS FOR YOU TO CONCENTRATE ON MY LOVE FOR THEM...ASK FOR THAT GRACE AND DEPEND ON MY SPIRIT / POWER TO ACCOMPLISH THAT...THANK ME FOR MY LOVE / SPIRIT...ASKING ME TO SHOW THAT MERCIFUL LOVE FOR THIS PERSON...LET YOUR MIND BE RENEWED BY LOVE...MY LOVE IS PERFECT AND CASTS OUT ALL FEARS...AND WHETHER OR NOT I HEAL... I STILL LOVE THAT PERSON AND WANT TO COMMUNICATE THAT LOVE TO THEM...PRAY FOR THAT...TO ENVELOP THEM IN MY LOVE...WASH THEM IN MY LOVE...FILL THEM WITH MY LOVE...THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO DO WHETHER OR NOT I HEAL THEM...IT IS NOT FOR YOU TO KNOW ALL THAT I AM DOING IN THE OTHER...THEY ARE ON A JOURNEY AS ARE YOU...I HAVE A PLAN FOR THEIR LIFE JUST AS I DO FOR YOU...YOU DO NOT KNOW ALL OF WHAT THAT ENTAILS AND NEITHER DO THEY...THAT IS WHERE FAITH...TRUST....HOPE...SURRENDER AND LOVE COME IN...IT IS ALL GRACE...MY SPIRIT IS ALIVE AND ACTIVE IN YOU AND THE OTHER...PRAY FOR MY GRACE...FOR ALL YOU NEED...JESUS IS ALIVE AND ALL ARE CALLED TO COME TO THE FOUNTAIN OF LIFE...THE CROSS HAS WON NEW LIFE FOR ALL TO FREELY RECEIVE...FEEDOM...FORGIVENESS...HEALING...WORDS OF LIFE AND LOVE...

ENCOURAGEMENT...SO...IN ALL YOUR ENOUNTERS...MAKE LOVE YOUR AIM...DEPEND ON MY SPIRIT / POWER...KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE...AND LET MY PERFECT LOVE CAST OUT YOUR FEAR...AND WHEN YOU ARE TEMPTED TO FEAR / FAILURE...SIMPLY KNOW I AM WITH YOU...THAT IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO TRUST ME...GIVE IT ALL TO ME...LET ME HANDLE IT...GRACE...ALL IS GRACE...SO...BE AT PEACE...YOU ARE NOT ALONE...

Abba...keep me in Your Presence...in Your Love...give me Grace to Love with Your Love...to Love as Jesus Loves...to Focus on Your Holy Spirit...not on myself...Come Holy Spirit...More...I depend on you...you are the Way Forward...the Power I desperately need...Come Holy Spirit of Love...lead me...change me...heal me...free me to be Your Minister of Love...Thank you for Your Love and Grace...I am lost without You...

..

Thorn 2

Abba...I keep trying not to be afraid to 'walk in the Spirit'...to ask You what do You want me to say / 

do because I might fail to perform / 'get it wrong' but it's always there and I can't seem to shake it...

it's like it's hanging over me...a 'vain dread / anxious imagination'...why don't You take it away? Why

do I have to continuously deal with these feelings?

ST  PAUL ASKED THE SAME QUESTION AND I GAVE HIM THE SAME ANSWER AS I AM 

GIVING YOU...GRACE...MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU...FOCUS ON GRACE - THE

SOLUTION - NOT THE PROBLEM - YOUR FEELINGS / FEARS...

So, how do I do that when my feelings are so intense? When I don't want to / resist doing the exact

thing that is causing me to fear?

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE...SEEK...FIND...KNOCK...IT SHALL BE OPENED FOR YOU...

That simple eh?

NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS BUT...YES...GRACE...I AM TEACHING YOU TO DEPEND

ON ME...NOT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE ACCUSTOMED...IT IS MY SPIRIT THAT OVERCOMES...LEADS...EMPOWERS...SO REJOICE IN MY GRACE...IN MY WAYS THAT 

CHALLENGE YOU...THAT ARE TRANSFORMING YOU INTO MY HUMBLE SERVENT...YES IT WILL COST YOU - IN MORE WAYS THAN YOU KNOW RIGHT NOW...BUT YOU SHALL GLORIFY ME BY YOUR OBEDIENCE AND COOPERATION WITH MY GRACE...TRUST IN MY FAITHFUL LOVE...I HAVE NOT SPARED ANYTHING TO RESCUE MY PEOPLE...YOU...

WILL I NOW HOLD BACK WHEN I GAVE MY BELOVED SON FOR YOU?  ASK FOR ALL THE GRACES YOU NEED - TO TRUST..HAVE CONDIDENCE...LOVE...HOPE...FAITH...MY WORD...HEALING...PEACE...AGAIN...MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU FOR MY

POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS...TRUST IN MY LOVE...IN MY GRACE...IT IS ALL YOU NEED...I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU...I AM YOURS AND YOU ANRE MINE...BE AT PEACE...REST IN MY PRESENCE...

Yes, Abba Father...I give all my fears to you...my weaknesses to You...I do need your Grace...

Your Spirit...Your Son...Save me Jesus...have mercy on me a sinner...help me to keep my 

eyes on You - not myself...to abide in Your Presence...

The Interpretation

 Abba...woke up @.1/2  hour ago all anxious because of a dream @ being asked to fix 2 closet walls that were too short and so I told the owner that I never did that before and didn't know what I was doing and felt anxious / fearful / awkward / totally incompetent so I didn't want to do it and they should get someone else who knows what they are doing to take care of their need...

SOUND FAMILIAR?

you mean the Evangelism class?

YES...THE THOUGHT OF GOING UP TO STRANGERS AND ENGAGING THEM IN CONVERSATIONS @ JESUS IS FRIGHTENING...LOTS OF ANXIOUS IMATIONATIONS...IT'S NORMAL TO FEEL THAT WAY...LEARNING SOMETHING NEW - ESPECIALLY A SKILL THAT TAKES PRACTICE...THAT STRETCHES ONE'S PERSONALITY IS DAUNTING AND MAKES YOU WANT TO RUN THE OTHER WAY...

so...how do we deal with it? We're at Encounter Ministries because we want to grow in knowledge / Gifts of the Holy Spirit and get practical instruction to put into practice what we've been taught...but it's all so daunting...

SO...MY ANSWER IS REALLY SUMMED UP IN ONE WORD...GRACE...I WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH ALL YOU NEED TO LOVE THE ONES TO WHOM I BRING YOU TO SHARE THE GOSPEL / MY LOVE...SO...ASK...SEEK...KNOCK...IT IS SO EASY AND NORMAL FOR MY CHILDREN WHO LOVE ME AND WHO WANT TO SERVE ME BUT WHO ALSO HAVE FALLEN NATURES AND AN ENEMY WHO WANTS TO DESTROY THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU SO AS TO PREVENT YOU FROM GROWING IN YOUR GIFTS AND SPEAKING A WORD TO THEM THAT WILL LEAD THEM TO ETERNAL JOY IF THEY ACCEPT IT AND OPEN THE DOOR TO PERFECT LOVE..SO AGAIN...ASK..SEEK..KNOCK FOR THE GRACE TO LOVE THE OTHER...TO FOCUS ON LOVING / SERVING THE OTHER AND NOT ON YOURSELF...THERE IS GRACE FOR YOU NEED...DESIRE...WHETHER THAT'S ZEAL...LOVE...BOLDNESS...MERCY. ..KINDNESS...DISCERNMENT...WHATEVER YOU NEED

MY GRACE IS SUFFICENT FOR YOU FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS 

The Thorn

 

Abba...I'm so frustrated.. angry.. feeling rebellious...why are You allowing this 'Thorn' to constantly go on? 

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS TALK...IT'S TAKEN A WHILE FOR YOU TO BE HONEST WITH ME AND YOURSELF TO 'GET INTO IT'...I KNOW IT'S DIFFICULT FOR YOU SO I'M HAPPY FOR YOU THAT 

YOU'VE ACCEPTED MY GRACE TO TALK LIKE THIS...

I didn't realize this was a Grace...

MANY TIMES YOU DON'T..BUT NOT JUST YOU...MY GRACES ARE MANY TIMES SIMPLY IGNORED OR UNRECOGNIZED AND AT OTHER TIMES REJECTED BECAUSE OF SINFUL CHOICES....BUT HERE YOU'VE 

BEEN WRESTLING WITH YOUR THORN  FOR A WHILE AND ARE FRUSTRATED ENOUGH TO FINALLY TALK ABOUT IT IN DEPTH....TELL ME ABOUT IT...

I think it just hit me more last night at my Encounter Ministries class when they talked again about being courageous to work through conflicts and I knew I didn't like doing that...and then I looked at the homework from Q7 Power Evangelism and it talked about RISK...which You know we've talked about before and I am adverse to 'taking risks'..so anyway I'm just frustrated with it all..

PRAYER FOR HEALING AND NOTHING  HAPPENS.. PROPHECY / WORDS OF KNOWLEDGE / SECRETS OF THE HEART AND GET IT WRONG... EVANGELISM  AND REJECTION... CONFLICTS GOING SOUTH...BUT REMEMBER... YOU'RE STILL LOVING THE OTHER...I'VE GIVEN YOU A HEART TO LOVE OTHERS AND  SERVE THEM...AND REMEMBER... IT'S NOT ABOUT  YOU...IT ABOUT MY LOVE FOR THEM...MY DESIRE TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM...I GAVE OVER MY BELOVED SON TO SUFFER AND DIE FOR THEIR SAKE AND GAIN VICTORY OVER SIN AND DEATH  SO THEY CAN LIVE FOREVER IN MY LOVE AND GLORY ...SO AGAIN....IT'S ALL GRACE...SO... ASK..SEEK...KNOCK...YOU WRESSLE WITH YOUR FEELINGS...AND YOUR DREADS AND  FEARS... ANXIOUS IMAGINATIONS...WHAT 'MIGHT' HAPPEN....AND FORGET TO ASK  FOR GRACE TO LOVE... LET GO OF YOUR CHAIN TO THE 'GERBIL WHEEL' OF JUST 'TRYING HARDER'...IT'S  NOT GETTING YOU ANYWHERE EXCEPT TO FRUSTRATION-LAND....I AM TEACHING  YOU MANY THINGS THROUGH THIS THORN... BUT IT ALL COMES DOWN TO GRACE.. 

BOTH FOR YOU AND THE OTHER...ALL  IS LOVE..

so.. what else are You teaching me?...

THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO PERFORM FOR ME TO LOVE YOU...OR TO BE LOVED AT ALL...THAT YOU CAN TRUST ME..RELY ON ME..THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT YOURSELF AND

CAN.LIVE IN PEACE AND SECURITY....KNOW THE JOY OF LOVING OTHERS IN MY POWER... OF COOPERATING WITH MY SPIRIT..KNOW THE FREEDOM FROM FEAR OF MAN  BY THE AWE OF THE LORD...AND COMING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO ME DAY BY DAY...AND THERE IS NOTHING BETTER... NOW AND FOREVER....

Abba...Poppa...let it happen...let Your Spirit form me into Your Image...the Image of Jesus...help me cooperate with Your Grace....and even though this is hard...I Thank You for my Thorn for Your Power is made perfect in my weakness...and by the Grace of humility to bear witness to the Truth